As I write this blog post today, our nation is divided right down the middle and the very essence of our society is in danger. The choices we make today will not only be difficult to change but will also reflect on us as human beings and as a society.
No, I’m not talking about Trump or Hillary. I’m not talking about North Korea or ISIS. While half the country is watching the NCAA Final Four games from Phoenix, the other half seem to be tuned into a live feed from New York — watching a pregnant giraffe.
If you haven’t heard, South Carolina, Gonzaga, Oregon and North Carolina are in the Final Four of March Madness and after tonight, there will only be two left and they will battle it out for the NCAA National Basketball Championship. But that’s small potatoes next to the millions who are streaming a live feed of a knocked-up mammal. That’s right, they’re spending hours, days, some even MONTHS watching giraffe vajayjay.
I braved my way into one of the live feeds on Facebook, only to be shocked at what I saw. No, the site of the zookeeper taking pictures of the animal’s “cookie” (as the chatters call it) wasn’t the worst part, nor was the fact that he took great pleasure in posting that photo of April’s engorged hoo-hoo for all the world to see. What shocked me was the level of intensity displayed by the viewers.
There are, at times, one or two giraffes in view. April is the pregnant one, with her baby-daddy Oliver (as I am led to believe his name is) in the next pen, spending most of his time pacing like any good expectant father. Now understand, in the limited time I’ve watched, these animals rarely move. This leads the faithful to believe that their feed has frozen, causing much stress and panic among this makeshift community. They beg each other to confirm that this is, indeed, a live feed, despite the large, glowing “LIVE” red banner in the corner. Clearly these are people more concerned with the gynecological exploits of a ruminant rather than learning the basics of modern technology.
This brings me to another point – in this day and age, shouldn’t we be able to, with the help of modern technology, reach an educated estimation of when the not-so-little one should arrive? Yes, I know that births can last a while and babies come early and late, but this has been going on for MONTHS. I’ve lost over 25 lbs. just in the time these people have been dedicating their lives to this vigil.
Oh, and speaking of that, do any of these folks work or take care of their kids? Spend five minutes (which will seem like days) reading some of the comments and you’ll learn all too quickly that these folks are married, have kids, and yet have been watching this feed non-stop since the Vietnam era.
So, the nation awaits a National Champion. And a 150-lb. baby. This is what it’s all come down to.
I’m secretly rooting for this to be an elaborate April Fool’s Day prank, just to go online after it’s announced to watch the epic meltdowns that will occur in these chatrooms.
If you wanna watch for yourself, search April the Giraffe on Facebook and look for a live feed. Or visit her website at www.aprilthegiraffe.com.